Tinood kaha?

Yes, I am one of those idiots that listens to fortune cookies.

I try not to but I really do, efforts at being cool (or sane) superstitiously kicked aside...

A couple of hours ago, I got an HIV test in a clinic around the corner, one of the newer kinds of tests that gives results in less than an hour.

I'm negative. Or at least they can guarantee I was HIV-free 4 to 8 weeks ago. I could be positive right now but I'd need to fork over another 25 Euro in two months to find out - and it would be a good idea Not to have sex until then.

So did I just buy peace of mind? Sort of. At least I know that nobody in the Philippines I had sex with got HIV from me. Didn't even make eye-contact with anybody in Canada so no worries there. Germany however... I've been here 8 weeks.

So is "NEGATIVE" my unexpected news? Not really. I have to say I was kinda expecting it (this time) and I wouldn't call this blip of positive feeling 'happiness'. I really hope this unexpected news is still coming because I tell ya, the past two weeks have been awful with a capital F.

I feel close to God again, though... It's all this solitude, forces me to listen. Plus reading Murakami all the time gets me thinking about stuff (in a much more suave way than Coelho ever forced. By the way, Mitzie, I'm stalking you book-wise and reading 'Dance, Dance, Dance' now.) so I can't help but feel 'soulful' (ahem) during these tumbleweed days in Deutschland.

The theme I originally assigned to this chapterette in my life was 'Lost in Translation' and it's trailed me faithfully through the whole trip. It's the favorite movie of the girl whose room I occupy in East Berlin and her walls are covered with stills from the film.

One night, I was feeling extra lonely, having arrived early at that East Berlin flat, nothing to do, nothing to read, nothing to eat, nobody to talk to... Bobby had just gone home two days before and during those 48 hours, a lot of things happened that left me crying on tabletops, drunk, and exhausted (na pud). I wanted to watch this girl's copy of 'Lost in Translation', the only movie she had in English. She must have taken it with her or lent it to somebody because it wasn't where I first found it. Exasperated, I switched on the TV and what was on?

'Lost in Translation' - in Deutsch.

I watched it anyway, and when Bill Murray whispered that forever-guessed-about line in Scarlett Johannsen's ear, I cried again. Not the sobbing kind, the kind where the tears just spill out of your eyes, like water over the brim of a glass that can't hold in any more. This made one thing very clear to me: I am worn out.

Well, I'm having Chinese food again, and this time the little cookie is telling me to, "Take time off to manage [my] personal matters." This weekend, I'm leaving Berlin to visit relatives in Hannover that I'd totally forgotten existed. After that, I will spend a day in Hamburg to weigh fate against a stubborn will.

Much too much can happen in just two days... And 'tumbleweed' is such a nice word.