winter end

“I’m close, I’m close…”

“Let me know when you’re close.”

Three days of sunshine, three whole days and the people flow out of their picture book houses to redden their skin on the greening grass. Halifax is a lot more crowded than it looks and a little good weather is all it takes to draw out an indoor city.

I used to be surrounded by familiar things and familiar people. Sometimes, I have to consciously think about that to dispel the illusion that it was all a dream. Or to dispel the illusion that I’m in a dream right now. A daydream not a real one, not the kind that feels like a movie in the mind, just a commercial, a film short, some art student’s interpretation of Czech cinema.

“Almost there… Ready?”

The love/sex life report:

I began the year with four months of celibacy, two self-imposed, two just plain imposed. Co-workers set me up with a guy who wears glasses (glasses!), a quick and intense week-long affair that ended with an awkward goodbye and a merciful plane ticket back to Toronto. Although it was refreshing to be desired for only my physical aspects, I found myself wanting to meet someone in the mind, in the heart… Been a while since I’ve had that and I’m still cold after the fling, although less twitchy.

Thinking about it, I haven’t had a real date since a Christmas party that ended in vomit and a chorus of alarm clocks buzzing a 5am rendition of Wake The Fuck Up.

But I’ve made friends and I want to give brief descriptions of three of them by way of introduction: Ian’s a half-American, half-Canadian redhead. Just turned 19. Heart of gold. Trying not to get jaded after being tossed around by the gay community. Ryan teaches English to Koreans and Japanese people in café’s. He wants to be rich and is heading off to some ivy-league business school soon. In the meantime, we play scrabble in Starbucks, rest on each other while we watch good and bad gay cinema. Gerrit’s German. A scientist doing his PhD. Likes the exact same music I like. No bullshit, just plain Gerrit and that’s why I love him.

This is getting a life I suppose. Kind of? I don’t really know. Welcome to my shot in the dark.

“I’m coming.”

Too many people have left in the past month and I’m tired of the Velcro rip, exhausted with goodbye’s. I’m ready for some hello’s.

And I daresay it’s close. It’s coming.